Bikini Bottom Ruffles, Floating & Letting Go

You could see the panic ripple across her face when the swim instructor tried to let go of her hand. She had arrived at the pool in her pink polka-dotted bikini with ruffles on her bottom. Her corkscrew curls stuck out around the edges of the rubbery bathing cap her mother had wrestled onto her head. She looked to be about 4 or 5 years old, but she had walked the pool deck before her swim lesson as if it were the catwalk at the NYC Fashion Week. Everything about her exuded confidence. Until now. 

Just lay back. Let go. Let go. Just lay back and float. I'm going to take my hand away.

"Nooooooooo!" echoed throughout the pool room. Ear-splitting shrieks followed. Eventually, she floated. Tear-stained and still shuddering from the experience, she called to her mom, "I did it mom. I let go."

I've been working on my boundless list this first month. If you remember, my challenge was to practice yoga for 30 days straight (you can read about the list HERE).  I still have two weeks left, but I can tell you that I have a lot in common with that little girl.  I bought cute yoga clothes, the cushiest mat I could find, and set up my space with scented candles. I'd taken a few yoga classes in my time. I practically swaggered through the checkout at Target.

The first three days, I woke early and downward dogged until it was time to shower for work. I smugly floated through those days. 

Oh, you tossed and turned all night thinking about school? Not me. I practice yoga...

 And then reality hit. Waking up at 5:00 a.m. when I worked until 11:00 p.m. on school stuff is hard. When I quieted my mind (if I was lucky), all sorts of anxieties and worries surfaced. Yoga practices peel back layers. Sometimes those layers feel like learning to float for the first time, and then I become that little ruffled-bottom girl at the pool. On those mornings, it was hard to let go. 

But here's what I'm learning in my yoga practice so far:

     1. I hold onto to things that I can't control...like how other people perceive me, or how I can't "fix" things for people I  love. I need to LET GO.

     2. I need to be kinder to my body. The word GRACE comes to  mind.

     3. The froo-froo yoga stuff is really just a distraction. 

I've been thinking a lot about weather vs. climate. This yoga practice is changing my inner climate. I feel calmer and less overwhelmed. My internal weather on any given day may vary, but it's temporary. I'm more able to bounce back from personal and professional setbacks, and I don't even need ruffles on my bottom!